CHANGE.

Feeding my own soul. I remember when the name (for my blog) came to me. Then I remember writing about it, (first blog post-if anyone missed out)

What feeds my soul, is change.  Although sometimes it leaves a stain in my underpants it also makes me feel alive. New, fresh, ready, excited.

That being said,(and with all the above emotions) the link to my new blog...

http://feedingmyownsoul.com/

And heres whats going to be- going on.

I am going to write about my food addiction.

Wow, just typing that- leaves a big ol lump in my throat.

Its time to feed my own soul with the truth. Its time for writing about conscious eating, time for speaking about the hard emotions behind the sugar stuff, time for showing pictures of my God given body, that's not far away, or just of my face.

Its time to feed my own soul, and own my Body, Mind, Soul.

As I open this new doorway, I invite you my readers, my friends- to join me in this journey of finding the girl who loves to run with dresses on, and feeds her own soul!

Till next time, on the new site!

XOXO
Michelle

Mind, Body, Spirit- 6 things I learned from 6 days at Triangle Y Camp.

 Garrison, ND. Lake Sakakawia, me (camp nurse), 98 kiddos(ranging from 6-15 years of age) and 40 something counselors, maintenance men, director, lifeguards, wranglers, etc.... The name of this organized chaos is Triangle Y camp. And, it's where I spent my last 6 days. The motto that is behind the triangle of the camp, is mind, body, spirit. So, here's  6 things I learned in the 6 days I spent at camp that filled my mind, body and spirit.

1. God provides. I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen tossing curly fries into bowls to feed the youngsters at lunch. And, there was always just enough. I got to witness kids sharing a big cookie, and a big bowl of tootie fruities, and it filled me up with a love in which I was constantly reminded of God providing.

Me with my sweetie counselor friend Megan in the kitchen...

2. Stop and enjoy the scenery. Stop, and tie your shoe before you trip, stop and take a moment to look out at the window of Gods beauty. Stop, and smell the flower- perhaps put it in your hair as a pretty. Just slow down, and watch the magic of life around you.

View from my health lodge at Triangle Y camp....

3. We all are home sick. No matter what age, we all just want to go home- to feel love. Some elders, might want to be called to there earthly home in everlasting life. Some, child- home might be a farm house, with a squeaky screen door, with mama inside taking warm cookies out of the ol oven. And lastly, for me in my thirties home is a place I am finding deep inside me, where love is waiting in the door way.

A precious gift, a triangle Y paddle, signed by my campers and counselors.

4. We can all walk together. One of the most heart warming moments at camp was watching the campers hold hands and walk together during the last night and the "final walk". We had long legs, short legs, injured legs, but somehow with the love from each other it carried us to the north pasture to watch the sunset and the fire start.  What a reminder of one ever has to walk alone. We just have to remember to grab a hold of a hand that is waiting next to you.

The final walk, to the north pasture.

And the sunset as we were there.

5. All we need is love. As the camp nurse this week, I got to witness many owies, and boo boos. From the rash on the neck , to the stitches on the head, No medicine works best, then a hug. There's no side effects or allergies-when it comes to love. We all are worthy and deserve this loving touch.

Me and my new dear friend Bree- (supervisor of the leaders in training)

6. Saying goodbye is hard. One of the final nights of camp was "chapel". In which we all came together and sang. I stood in the corner of the room and listened to 130 something people sing Amazing Grace, and felt a shift in me. We are all worthy of Gods grace. This moment, this memory, will forever be locked in my heart. And, that moment, along with many more, made the tears flow as I said Goodbye to the week as camp nurse at Triangle Y. Goodbyes are never fun, so I will take all these heart filed moments and carry them with me. And, as I pulled out of the driveway of 

camp knowing that goodbyes are hard, but temporary. Im reminded of the words, see ya later. So Triangle Ycamp, if not sometime later this summer, then possibly next year, and if not then- then when God brings us together- see ya later.

Saying goodbye to the pond and the big lake.

Thankyou Triangle Y, for giving me a week of showing me that God provides, for having me slow down and enjoy lifes scenery, reminding me of where home is, and to reach out my hand and walk there together, that love is the way, and goodbyes are never final.

Mind, body, spirit, Triangle Y.

Xoxo

Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on (and who spent a 6 days  at camp joyfully running and playing with dresses on)

*On a goodbye note- this is my final post on this blogger blog- stay tuned for a link to the upgrade! See ya later!

Choosing to grow!

Feeding my own soul, finding the girl who ran with dresses on- is growing! New page, new pretty blog- coming soon!! Stay tuned! 

Xxoo

Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.

The story of the BIG red slide-

Summer is here and upon us in Western, North Dakota. Which means baseball, sport camps, fishing, work, sleeping in- no schedule.

Truly, an amazing time filled with no planning and "going with the flow"

One of those going with the flow days was this past Friday my daughter and I were having some girl time.  The men at our home decided to do some evening last minute fishing. So us girls, we went on an adventure which included a bunch of sweet deals rummaging, a yummy latte, and lastly, spending  the evening at  the local Rec center, playing in the outdoor water park.

As we pulled up to the Rec, we quickly got acquainted to our first time in the new spot, and before you know it-we were climbing the steps (46, yes I counted) to slide down the ever famous water slides.

The first time we climbed to the  top, the daughter called that she got the "orange one" which left me with the famous red slide.

As I quickly agreed, my mind switched to analyzing why the red one would be my first ride. 

Did the slide know that red is one of my favorite colors? 

Or did it know I've been working on safety in my root chakra center, which is red?

 Before I came up with an answer to my mindful questions the lifeguard stated it was my turn and I was in the water on my bottom headed down the slide.

You see I never even looked at the slides when we got to the water park. I had no idea (other than they took 46 steps to climb) what this red slide was all about.

And all of a sudden I heard a scream (was this really my voice?!) as I slid past the first corner.

Then I saw it.

The red slide finished with a big (better word, huge) drop down to the little pool puddle at the end.

And, me- the girl as a teenager that liked to go on every roller coaster at six flags in Il- well she's gone. Shes changed. She likes her feet planted on the ground, (and if she feels like flying its in her dreams in an angelic sense)

So, as my eyes finally seen the drop, I did the first gut feeling I thought I should do- I held on.

I grabbed the side of the slide so tight, trying to win the war with the water current not to move my body down the slide. I held on for my life.

 Like a mother holds onto her growing child. Like a victim holds onto a past, like a nurse holds onto severe dementia patients hand-I held on.

Looking back I felt like I held on for lifetimes. But, observers state I only did not move for a couple seconds.

And when the water pressure got to be too much, when my mind switched from complete terror- to an oh f*** it. 

I let go.

I landed on the bottom in the pond (I talked about earlier) with a good wedgie , a sore shoulder, and a bruise on my elbow.

And, I layed there in the puddle with  my mind filled PTSD of the big red slide, lesson.

I thought.

That big red scary slide- well that's life.

Either way it promises you a ride with ups and downs. Bruises and band aids. 

The water pressure, is the force. Some call it energy. It's here, to move you. It doesn't care how long it takes, there is no charge on what kind of pressure you use or not use to heal, but truly in the end it might give you a wedgie, but the ultimate goal of the pressure, 

well it's love.

 And me, the person on that slide, the nurse, the mother, the victim, well I chose to believe I am here to feel all the emotions I felt during the waterslide ride (terror, aloneness, scared, peaceful-at the end of course!) and put a bandaid on, possibly get a massage, and then chose to ride the red slide of life again.

Then, finally- dont forget to live, and be able to write and talk about it.  phew.

So, here I go.

Till next time friends, kids are hollaring at me to join them on the slides- time for round 2!

Happy Summer!!

Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.

Fyi- objects in pictures are way bigger (Promise, way huger) than they appear.

101 things.

Hi friends,

Its been a little while. I have been doing some quiet work on self stuff here at home.  One of the biggest things I have been working on is, not running away from my fears, but to own them.  I will be honest, the last couple weeks I have thought of bringing myself anywhere but here, in  North Dakota. The thoughts- becoming Florence Nightingale in Nepal, helping save lives as a nurse or possibly climbing Glacier National Park, and doing my own kind of quiet journey by myself- (sort of Cheryl Strayed  like in the movie and book- The Wild.)
 But, after a little while processing I have realized, we can find peace wherever we are, because it comes from the inside, and running- well that sounds like a fun adventure and all, but it avoids the inevitable, looking in, digging deep, feeding my own soul.

I've spent the time reading  a couple books, some real good naps, a few walks, and talks with soul family- and lastly, I have looked at my papers, my education from previous classes and trainings.

The one that caught my eye was the Energy Psychology training that I got to spend a week at last year in Phoenix, AZ.  Of the all day seminars I took was from Jack Canfield (author and life coach) on "The Success Principles".  Wow, what a day that was. This guy knocked my socks off, and I left there feeling very inspired.  Promising to "do the work" on having the life I wanted.

Well, whoopsie a year has gone by.

But one thing that called to me today, was a part of our homework that day, good ol  Jack gave us was writing a list..

So, here it goes.

101 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Laugh everyday-at least once
2. Visit Alaska PLEASE.
3. Write a book (wow, did I seriously put that?)
4. Sleep under the stars lots.
5. Live in a log cabin by water
6. Drive a John Deer tractor (yeehaw)
7. Ride a horse
8. Parasailing
9. Run a biggest loser race (no more than 10k thankyou very much)
10. Speak to kids in schools on empowerment/bullying (be a child advocator!!)
11. Dance in the rain
12. Try hot Yoga
13. Take love and logic training classes
14. become a life coach
15. Visit Africa (yes for a long time too please)
16. List 3 things I am grateful for daily.
17. Motor home family trip
18. Meet Oprah ( PLEASE!)
19. Paint when it calls. have my own easel
20. SPEAK, on the raw, honest, stuff.
21. visit INDIA with my daughter
22. go on a CRUISE with my hubby (with no sea sickness)
23. READ more books.(love stories and spiritual please)
24. Be a conscious eater.(enjoy the cinnamon roll and the carrots with no shame)
25. Kareoke please
26. Camp lots.
27. Have an organic garden
28. Have a white fluffy bunny rabbit
28. Get an extreme makeover on myself
29. Dress up to go to a prom, limo and all- but go?
30. Hug lots.
31. Hold babies (all kinds), animals, kids, all kinds!!
32. PARIS please
33. Finland- with my big sis.
34. mission work- orphanages, schools-
35. Montana adventure with Brett.
36. Germany with Lars.
37. Visit beaches everywhere
38. Scavenger hunts (plan and do, I love these things!!)
39. Color Run.
40. Mud Run. (muddier the better, please)
41. Rummage sale as much as possible
42. Become an inspirational teacher.
43. Own my body.
44. Ride an elephant
45. Swim with the Dolphins/ Whales (first learn to swim)
46. Meet Brene Brown
47. Visit NYC with friends/family
48. Garth Brooks Concert
49. play with kids, LOTS.
50. walk across the Mackinaw Bridge
51. see SRI and Kira again
52. Have an online empowering kids program
53. Learn how to swim. (see above)
54. Do a back walk over without seeing stars or falling over (gymnastics)
55. Have body work done weekly (massages, myofascia)
56. Wear a bikini
57. have an unlimited supply of essential oils
58. LOVE everyone around me.
59. Start a foundation for abused/traumatized kids.
60. visit homeless people.
61. visit mentally ill/spiritually awakened people.
62. Take a relaxing vacation by myself
63. Be on TV.
64. Have an expensive amazing bed with lots of pillows and expensive sheets/comforter
65. Try a vegan diet.
66. Get some new teeth.
67. watch my kids grow.
68. Have a sweet non shedding house dog.
69. Have an assistant (that pays bills, does chores, remembers appointments- (pretty much is my brain)
70. be OPEN, HONEST, and RAW everywhere I go.
71. add more family to my spirit family.
72. BE conscious. SEE and feel all that is, everyday.
73. Have my own website.
74. Heal my body Holistically
75. bubble baths weekly. (YES!)
76. Visit all 50 states
77. Travel out of country as much as possible
78. Be able to afford a latte every am.
79. Quit being a caregiver, start being a teacher.. YEEHAW!
80. Play games with kids.
81. Watch sunrises and sunsets every where I can.
82. Become a speaker at Energy Psychology Conference
83. Take a trip with Stacy Henrion (home girl)
84. Feed the homeless
85. Give love to all in need (first to myself)
86. Sit next to trees, weekly.
87. Have a lavender bush
88. Enjoy real flowers.
89. ROSE oil- White Angelica oil on stock, always.
90. Hike lots.
91. Be a conscious mom.
92. Grow my hair long
93. New Mexico please
94. Watch parades
95. Laugh loud Lots.
96. Meet a new person daily.
97. Write and publish quotes.
98. Florence Nightingale- go to a spot in need. and work.
99. Have a huge master bath, with a ginormous tub.
100. Shit my pants yearly (my dear soul friend says, its fertilizer for your life!)
101. Pray daily.

So, dear friends- I challenge you, what are your 101s?

"If you can dream it, you can do it"- Walt Disney

"Ask and it will be given to you"- Mathew 7.7


Till next time friends, go knock your sox off and write your list!:)

xxoo

Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.

Jack and I last year at The Energy Psychology training.

Lets, WIN, WIN, WIN.

This morning, driving the childrens to school on this bright, beautiful, North Dakota, May, day- I was listening to them fight in the back seat.  It went something like this, one, made the other feel bad because she didn't want to do something, and the other (that was feeling bad) called him a name. Typical beautiful teenage drama.  As, the sun was shining in my eyes and I cruised down the main street here in Dickinson- I found myself getting heated up. (and not by the beautiful ray in the sky)

See, I took this amazing love and logic course for parents x2.  Yes, you read, right- I took the same course twice, back to back.  It was a 6 week one night a week course on how to have more fun as a parent, by empowering yourself and showing your child empathy.  Big stuff.  To any of my blog reader parents, please if this calls to you- find a class, it really has changed my life.  I am actually planning on taking the teaching course of this class (I am that passionate about it). Anyways, back to the car.

Love and logic would tell me to have empathy, for both kids.  Saying something like, "I know, I have been teased, and hate being treated unkindly"-for the one who had been called the name. And, "I understand, I don't like when someone makes us do something, when its uncomfortable"-for the one who didn't want to do something.. Then I would finish it off by, "kids that fight on the way to school, get to walk".  And, possibly pulling over- and watching them get out of the car, (happily I am sure).

But, instead..I spoke. And, as I write this now, I realize how big it was.

"Don't let anyone take your power away from you, ever." "Walk away, speak up, do what's right just for you, make no apologies, be yourself, heck, punch them if there
crossing boundaries", but DONT let anyone take your power away from you, ever".
"And, name teasing, and making someone feel bad for not feeling comfortable by not doing something, well that's...FAKE POWER.

And, I think I finished it off with, saying how I believed in them both and hope they had a good day. As the school came into view, and the teenagers got out and doors slammed shut, I was left thinking about our morning drive in, as I drove back home, to enjoy my first cup of my favorite coffee.

Thoughts  went like this, "Hmm, probably should keep practicing what your preaching, Michelle".

The truth is, 9 months ago, my hubby and I made a powerful decision to move our family away from there friends and families to try a life out here in North Dakota.

As, we left that August day- my big sister ( I love you Lisa Ann) gave me an audio CD to listen to as I drove and followed the orange and white U-Haul.  It was called, THE POWER, by Rhonda Britton.  I listened to it, most of the drive.   And, looking back, it was like the song that's playing as your warm up before your basketball game in high school.  It filled me with joy, determination, and motivation- perfect start to make a better life for me and my family out west.

Last week, I finished the POWER OF VULNERABLITY course by Brene Brown.  Best 30 bucks, I could've spent on myself.  Hours of listening to research done by an open hearted individual on the hard (but good) stuff, shame, guilt, love, whole heartedness, and of course. vulnerability.

Yes, friends- I have spent months, (lets be honest) years learning how to live my life, for me- in my power.

And still today, I was left on the drive home from school my brain filled, with the words I always tell my kids, "anyone can speak it, but show it."

Show me your power. Show me what works for you. Show me your life for you, show me your joy, peace, content happiness.

I can write, I have always done a good job, (English was my favorite subject) but- the hardest lesson I have needed to learn is SHOWING UP,  for  the life I have always wanted.

Some believe we should be content with food, clothing, and shelter.  I say we should be grateful for all those things. But,  I believe, we should live the life we want, with no excuses, showing up. Doing, what works for you- believing in what works for you.

Last week I got to go spend an hour and a half with a great group of kids, as a speaker about Mindfulness.  I SHOWED UP, nervous, scared, excited. And, when I jumped in Arnie (our car) and pulled out onto the highway leaving the peaceful place, I felt like I could move mountains.  Better yet, first female president of the big beautiful United States, or climb Mt. Everest without stopping.  I was full.

And, when I vulnerably spoke in my power about my life, magic happened. Because, those kids, well they healed something in me.  They asked me questions, that I needed to ask myself.  They, themselves were able to be, honest.  And, well I left there knowing (you know the move mountain part) that it was a WIN, WIN, WIN situation. I won, they won, and the whole better whole, WON.

This afternoon, when I pick my kids up from school, and there may be fighting, I might holler. Tomorrow I might not want to get out of bed.  Next week at rush hour, I might freak out when I am stuck in a traffic jam on Main street here in Dickinson.

But today, today, this moment, is all we have.  And, dear readers, dear friends-lets practice power, in the moment. For us, for our kids, and for the better whole.

Lets, WIN, WIN, WIN.

Till next time friends, move on over Hillary Clinton!

xxoo


Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.

Me, and some of my favorite littler people.....SHOWING up.

Hearing the water.

I stopped to hear the water.

Let me explain.

Growing up our family was campers. We had numerous camping spots and campers (my favorite camper being the lime green pop up Apache). Almost every weekend in the summer we would find some state park and set up our spot. One of those places was Mclains State Park. Mclains is nestled right on Lake Superior, up in the Keweenaw Peninsula of Michigan.

My favorite things to do at Mclains as a little tike (I would guess 8-10 years of age) would be, to take my bike down to the deserted part of the beach, and sing.  As a kid, I remember feeling like I was singing to God. And, after my voice got tired from singing, I would whisper questions, worries, problems, to God.

I always biked back to the campground, feeling like I had my own big secret (with all the answers) as the little legs would pedal and the arms steered me in to our site,I would feel, peaceful contentment-knowing the lake took care of everything.

A week ago, my family pulled into my hometown up in the Keweenaw Peninsula- with an agenda. Family wedding, appointments, errands, run kids to friends houses, rehearsals- not forgetting to add on a spontaneous flat tire in front of the bridal shoppe, busy. And, this mind, this body, this soul-just doesn't do busy anymore. So as we ran our errands and the phone was ringing, I tried staying present, enjoying every minute. And, in a perfect way- the time went busily by.

One of the mornings there I woke up knowing where I need to go. After a quick coffee with a friend, I turned the music up and headed down the swirly beautiful canal road. And, as I pulled into Mclains Park, I felt myself relax as my body melted into my car seat.

As I shut off the car and slid down the sand dune, I found a beautiful log, and I sat. Hello, my dear Lake Superior. Ahh.

The socks came off and my feet dug into the moist sand. And, again, I sat. No phone jingling, no family or friend talking, no car sound, no loud teenage music playing, just me in this moment listening to the water, of the healing Lake Superior.

And, I was back...stopping to hear the magic, the sounds, the questions, and then the answers of the water.

Dear friends, no matter how busy life shall be, may we all find moments to stop and just be. May we all find quiet in our chatter to hear lives story.  May we all find a moment to stop and smell a spring flower, the wind, or the mist off the beautiful lake. May we all have a touch of complete contentment. May we all know our worth, and pick what works for us.

And, (this is what I'm working on) may we all be our own best friends, and FEEL unconditionally loved- from the inside out.

Till next time friends- here's the water.

 

XXOO- Michelle, the water girl who is learning to run with dresses on.