Okay, honestly, I climbed a big fossil holding badland, in Montana at the Makoshika State Park.
Let me explain.
I knew I needed to go west this past weekend, and I knew I needed it to be alone. So, Saturday morning I grabbed a latte from the local expresso drive thru, and headed west. I had thrown an overnight bag in the back of Arnie (new name for the new car) and wah la, me and the wind were sailing side by side on the interstate.
There was no planning. Friday, I brought the idea up to my family. Saturday, I knew Montana was calling-just didn't know where. I truly felt like it was time to get in touch with the big sky.
You see, it had been a week. I could make excuses of the waning moon, or the weather, or the fact that I was feeling so very alone...with life, with where I was in life, where I dream to be, with being understood, with, k, get the point? I'll stop there.
So, latte in hand, thoughts in my head, I drove.
A few miles down the road, a bird flew up in front of arnies windshield. It looked like a dalmation dog, but a bird. White, with dark black spots. I laughed to myself about how alike that bird and I are, mostly white and pure-but with some dark sides. Dark places, black holy spots, shadows, fears- anyways, getting off track here,
but overall it gave me courage to see that the bird was still able to fly.
Soon, I had hit the Montana state limit. It seemed like minutes later I saw the beautiful big badlands, and a sign for a state park- and felt called, so I decided to pull off the exit.
Glendive Montana is a quant town. It got a whole bunch of bars, a new subway sign, and a bunch of cowboys walking the streets. Typical out west fashion. As I drove, I followed the signs to the state park in the town. I pulled in, and it took my breath away, looking at the beautiful bad lands. I hurried out, and headed into the tourist information center, and asked the first ranger who I saw, what were his requests for a good view.
He said up. And, so I went.
Two miles up ahead the road was closed (due to the winter season). and you needed to hike. My overnight bag consisted of a pair of tennis shoes and a fleece jacket, but thankfully the weather was on my side. Sunny, 40 degrees, perfect. I parked Arnie, and out I started. I can humbly say, I have never really hiked. There were no ski poles or hiking boots. But, there was me, determined to get to the top.
So, I started the hike up. And, after a few steps, I felt like I was one with the road. I concentrated on my labor breathing, and my eyes opened up to the beauty all around me. The sound of birds in the distance, the smell of crisp beautiful open air. Ahh, did it feel good, to be alive, and outside.
A little ways up the road, I came to this beautiful big slate color rock. As I took my first break, I let go. I cried, not just for me there, I cried for all of life that have ever felt broken. And, the rock, well it just hung out there and took it all away. And, as the tears stopped and I was ready to move on, I decided to take a picture. Forty shots later, I still was getting my shadow (thankyou sun) with the rock. You see, just as I am not a hiker, I am also not a photographer. At the 39th shot, I realized my shadow was supposed to be there, because like the bird flying up in the windshield, that rock-held my dark side.
I got to the top in about an hour. And, it was gorgeous. A few times I had to plunge through snow up to my knees, and a time or two fear came in, reminding me how alone I was in this big park.
But the view from the top, was so worth the wet socks! I felt alive!
Soon, I found a big tree, and gently let my back be supported by it. Once a dear friend told me, if you need to feel grounded, lean against a tree (works every time, FYI)
There I sat, and watched life, go by. Birds, come and go, making there beautiful chirping noises. The badlands, so strong, supportive, and each so different, making me feel so protected. The cactus blowing in the breeze.
if someone would've told me when I was 33, I would be sitting against a tree, tears in my eyes, overlooking some badlands in some state park by myself in Montana, I would've laughed, out loud.
But, you see. I soon realized that was why I needed to jump in the car and drive with the wind to Montana in the first place.
I got caught up in the future. I got stuck, fearful-wondering where my life was leading me. I knew my hopes and dreams, I just didn't know how to get there. And, I was stuck, this week, sometimes this month, heck lets be honest, years, thinking in my head how my life was going to turn out.
What path was I taking?
Wait, why does it matter?
And, I realized again, we have this moment, today, this very breath.
Well, that day I decided, I am taking the path that brings me back down the road.
How did I let myself get to the point of not enjoying the moment? Yes, its liberating to dream big, but to be fearful, of the future, why? This is my dark side, this is my shadow. And, well its time to embrace all of me. But, dog gon it, the shadow can go hang our with the rock now, or fly with the bird- (see I'm even giving it choices.)
Truly, shadow aside, its about the now. Surendering to the moment. And, at that moment, I was surrendering to walking down a slippery, wintery, road with tennis shoes, and wet socks.
As I finished the climb, opened the door to arnie and jumped in, I realized. I am safe wherever I am, I can bring Joy to whatever is in this very moment, and its time to climb every mountain in life, with or without your dark side. And know matter how long the hike takes its worth it...because the view at the top, is gorgeous.
Till next time friends, keep climbin.
xoxo
Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.
A little ways up the road, I came to this beautiful big slate color rock. As I took my first break, I let go. I cried, not just for me there, I cried for all of life that have ever felt broken. And, the rock, well it just hung out there and took it all away. And, as the tears stopped and I was ready to move on, I decided to take a picture. Forty shots later, I still was getting my shadow (thankyou sun) with the rock. You see, just as I am not a hiker, I am also not a photographer. At the 39th shot, I realized my shadow was supposed to be there, because like the bird flying up in the windshield, that rock-held my dark side.
I got to the top in about an hour. And, it was gorgeous. A few times I had to plunge through snow up to my knees, and a time or two fear came in, reminding me how alone I was in this big park.
But the view from the top, was so worth the wet socks! I felt alive!
Soon, I found a big tree, and gently let my back be supported by it. Once a dear friend told me, if you need to feel grounded, lean against a tree (works every time, FYI)
There I sat, and watched life, go by. Birds, come and go, making there beautiful chirping noises. The badlands, so strong, supportive, and each so different, making me feel so protected. The cactus blowing in the breeze.
And I thought,
if someone would've told me when I was 33, I would be sitting against a tree, tears in my eyes, overlooking some badlands in some state park by myself in Montana, I would've laughed, out loud.
But, you see. I soon realized that was why I needed to jump in the car and drive with the wind to Montana in the first place.
I got caught up in the future. I got stuck, fearful-wondering where my life was leading me. I knew my hopes and dreams, I just didn't know how to get there. And, I was stuck, this week, sometimes this month, heck lets be honest, years, thinking in my head how my life was going to turn out.
What path was I taking?
Wait, why does it matter?
And, I realized again, we have this moment, today, this very breath.
Well, that day I decided, I am taking the path that brings me back down the road.
How did I let myself get to the point of not enjoying the moment? Yes, its liberating to dream big, but to be fearful, of the future, why? This is my dark side, this is my shadow. And, well its time to embrace all of me. But, dog gon it, the shadow can go hang our with the rock now, or fly with the bird- (see I'm even giving it choices.)
Truly, shadow aside, its about the now. Surendering to the moment. And, at that moment, I was surrendering to walking down a slippery, wintery, road with tennis shoes, and wet socks.
As I finished the climb, opened the door to arnie and jumped in, I realized. I am safe wherever I am, I can bring Joy to whatever is in this very moment, and its time to climb every mountain in life, with or without your dark side. And know matter how long the hike takes its worth it...because the view at the top, is gorgeous.
Till next time friends, keep climbin.
xoxo
Michelle, the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.
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