Taking the Cami off...

Hello friends, Long time no words! Let me explain...

When I get dressed in the morning, I put many layers on. You see, I start with the undergarments , then the camisole ( you know the tummy tucking ones) then sometimes the short sleeve, and finally the long sweater that covers. Before walking out the door, I finish it off with a slimming jacket, with some kind of scarf and hat accessory, and va la, Michelles ready. 
And, sometimes, while trying to bend down with the too tight jeans and camisole creeping up my back I feel like a stuffed animal, with the cotton starting to come out.

Summer, is hard. Because, lets be honest, layers are warm! So, at times I go without the camisole, or live without the sweater, and I feel....naked..

I will never forget my dear big sister years ago, before jumping in the hot finish sauna- threatened to cover my body in big hearts with a bright red sharpie. "Love your body" was her mission for me. At that point in my life, I was post baby x3, post abdominal surgeries, and my belly looked like some kind of connect the dots Dora the Explorer map, from all the surgical scars and stretch mark trauma.

I hear you, I get it, our body is our temple, love and thank it for serving you- I am trying, daily.

And, still today- I need to remind myself (sometimes faking it to make it)  that my body is for me. That I can wear one less layer, that I can be seen....

So, I took the November month off of writing. Funny, I wrote, the check out to Walmart, a few pages in my journal, but I took the month off of visible writing, on this blog.

I spent a long weekend back home in the northern part of Michigan back in October and I heard from a few local natives that they have read my blog. Then, I found a computer guy (thanks Zack) to help me update this blog thing.  And, finally I came back to quiet North Dakota and heard of a few that had passed by  my blog- so I quit writing.

Don't get me wrong, I write for me, and I write for you.  I write because it makes me shi$ my pants and smile at the same time.

 But, I promised myself when I wrote, it would be real. Honest, my life, my truth, my words- for me first, and then for anyone who feels called to read.

So, I spent the month of November trying to decide how visible I wanted to be. Because, you see writing is not for me when I need to sensor myself.

And, the last posts, well they have been real, they have been me, my life- wide open.

Then, I spent some time with myself wondering how people felt. Do they think I am a drama queen?  Am I being too emotional? They must think I am fat!?  Do they think I want attention?  They probably think I am too sensitive.....My mind, my ego- well it just had a party with all these questions and thoughts.

So, today at this moment I decided I am all of these. I am a queen, I love being treated well. I love attention. I love talking to people. I am emotional, I have always been known to "wear my heart on my sleeve", and finally today I am saying, its one of my best qualities. I am a big girl.  And, yes, I am sensitive- I feel, lots.

I have spent my whole life, trying to change who I have always been. The layers, are coming off. I chose me, I chose visible.

Till next time dear friends, Take the cami off!

Sending Love Always, Michelle- the girl who is learning to run with dresses on.