And so it begins.

Starting a blog has been a dream in my heart for years.  You see I love to write, anything. The papers in English class, the few sentences in a birthday card, even doodling all over pages, signing Michelle Kay Massie 100 different ways,  writing to me has always been easy.

So, it never was about the words that I would write that slowed me down from starting a blog. I have always been able to find them easily too, so why did it take me till now to start a blog?

Because, as much as I love to write and I have words, Ive been scared. Yes, this is the whole truth. I knew my words, my writing would have to be my truth, from my heart. And, you see I am still finding out what that means and is.  

I knew when I was ready,  it needed to be me, to be real.

And, I wish I could say that everyday I will write about the sun shining, or the fabulous quote, the gifts we are given, the beautiful nature walk, the blessings in my life.

But, the truth is, some days its hard for me to put the shoes on to see the nature walk, I cant even read the inspirational quote, much less anchor it in my heart,  and the blessings in my life today, are shadowed from the grief of my past. I am a work in progress. That is where this blog comes in to play.

Ive waited for a title to come for this blog, for some time. I gently asked my closest family and friends, looking for any advice. And one day last week, as I was at the local gym by myself, sweating, tears streaming down my face, I had a flash and it hit me,

Feeding my own soul, finding the girl who ran with dresses on. 

When I was in the 3rd grade at a local small school in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, I loved gym class. We would run laps around the big gym, keeping your feet in between the black lines. I loved to run. I loved to feel my heart beating fast, the  strength of my legs, to taste the sweat coming down my forehead. And, I was not like any of the other girls in my class who wore there wind pants and t-shirts on gym days, I wore long dresses. My favorite one was  light pink and polka dot white tie in the back, to your ankles dress, borrowed from the big sisters.  So, with my tennis shoes and long dresses on,

 I would run-and I felt free.

And, well the gym teacher, he could see how much it moved me, and, he let me run, extra laps. 

In this 3rd grade class there was a boy, named Brent, that would love to run too.  As the rest of the kids would grab a drink from the water fountain, we would run, next to each other together. And as the whistle would blow from the teacher telling us one last lap, the cheers would start from our fellow classmates. The girls, would be screaming for me to win, and the boys would be hollaring for Brent to finish first. To be honest, thinking back now who won those races, I cant even remember, what sticks-

is the feeling I felt running with those long dresses on.

And, like the girls cheering me on as I was sprinting, that is what I have looked for my whole life. 

 Support, safety, love, my own fan club- something to call me own.

I never knew truly how to did deep, to look inside, to feed my own soul. Ive spent years searching for those girls, anyone, to cheer me on-never knowing it would not fill me up until I could love, I could look, from the inside out, to love me first.

These are my real words, and so it begins.